I must be honest with you. I have never really liked the Gospel Reading for today. The reading about Mary and Martha who received a visit from Jesus. And despite Martha taking care of him, he favors Mary who just sits and does nothing. At least so it seems at first glance.
And the reason I never really liked the Reading is that I as a person am a lot like Martha: If I receive a guest, I will bake, I will clean, I will do my utmost to make sure that my guests feel welcome.
And yes, on occasions it has happened that I have been in the kitchen all night cleaning up dishes while my guests sat down and relaxed. And on occasions I have been told that they would have liked me to skip the dishes and joined the relaxation.
But as a person – as a Martha – I just love to facilitate. It is hard for me to be a Mary.
Now, I do not know if all of you know about the five languages of love. Do you?
Well, in short it is a thesis made by an American pastor and author who argues that humans express their love in five different ways or languages. Further, he argues that by knowing not only your own language – but your friends’ and family’s as well – you might have more success in commu¬ni¬cating.
He argues so because he finds that we as humans have a tendency of favoring one or two of the languages. And furthermore, not only do we favor using one or two of the languages, but we also prefer receiving love through the same languages that we express ourselves.
One of the languages is “acts of service” and as the thesis argues, people who favor this as their language have a tendency of wanting to do a lot of acts of services for their friends and family as an expression of their love.
They are always there offering their service in any way possible being it volunteering in the church, bringing a cake to an event or anything in-between
Furthermore though, these people also prefer other people to show love in the same way, and they might get frustrated if people do not. Just as Martha gets frustrated over the way Mary is acting, acting by not acting.
Acts of service. This truly is my preferred language of love as it is Martha’s. And I believe the reason today’s reading is frustrating to me is that I share my language of love with Martha.
Because not only would I more easily get frustrated on a person who acts like Mary – just as Martha does in the reading – after reading the reading I also get upset on Jesus because how come he does not seem to acknowledge that all Martha does is showing love.
Jesus. As a superior being he must have known that all Martha did was show love. But instead of encouraging her in her way of expressing love, he kind of discourages her by telling her that she is far too worried and distracted.
Before I said – and I just repeat it – at least so it seems at first glance. Because there truly is more to it than that. But before I go on with that, I believe I must finish what I have started. I guess I must present to you the remaining languages of love.
The other language of love is words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Again: Words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.
It is always dangerous to start talking about this thesis because what often happens is that people – especially if they have not heard about the theses before – start thinking about what language not only themselves – but their partner as well – favors.
Some might even have a eureka kind of experience where it all becomes clear to them why a certain situation with a communication going wrong turned out as it did.
It sure helps thinking about how other people perceive and receive your acts of love, because even though it is obvious to the acting part that what one does truly is an expression of love, one can never be certain that an act of love is received as one by any other person.
The thesis does not want us to try to change who we are. It does not want us to try changing our language of love either. Instead, the thesis emphasizes that the real job is to be done as we receive.
When we are shown love, we should acknowledge it even though we do not have the expressed language of love as one of our favorites. Something that, again, Jesus oddly enough at first glance does not seem to do.
Okay. I hope you have stopped analyzing yourself, your friends, and your family, because it is time for us to move on and talk about how even though Jesus does not seem to understand Martha and her expression of love, it is only at first glance.
How come? Well, in short because the context of the readings shows how Jesus does not discourage people to do acts of service as their language of love.
If you were to open your Bible and find today’s reading you would learn that today’s reading is in an immediate progression following the story of the Good Samaritan. The two readings even seem to be meant to be read as one!
What is oh so notable by this is that the story of the Good Samaritan is all about doing good deeds, helping each other out, sacrificing your own needs for the benefit of others.
Hence, the readings not only have their own value, but read together the two readings tells us – just as the thesis of the five languages of love teaches us – how there are various ways of expressing love.
And even more importantly, read together the readings tells us that one should always strife towards some kind of equilibrium. Strife to be both a good Samaritan – a Martha – and an affectionate believer – a Mary.
Truly as well, I should listen to my friends and skip the dishes while they are visiting. It is fine that I facilitate a nice atmosphere, but if I am so busy facilitating that I do not have time to participating, little does it matter.
Today we are gathered to celebrate harvest. At first glance, today’s readings might not have a lot to do with that, but at a second glance I think they do.
After all – and as I have argued in my sermon – the readings remind us to strife for some kind of equilibrium. And too me, in the context of harvest this reminds me how all is not hard work, we should always also find time to give thanks and celebrate.
Getting ready for harvest sure is hard work, but today we celebrate and give thanks, because truly that is as important as all the good deeds we manage to do. Throughout the year we have worked hard like Martha. Let us know rejoice like Mary.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.