Today’s Gospel Reading is among one of those renowned – not for being particularly beautiful, nor meaningful. No, rather it is renowned for the opposite. It is renowned for being both weird and almost cruel:
“Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple.”
Auch.
The Reading is only saved by the ending where the same thing is said in a little more easygoing way:
“… none of you can become my disciple if you do not give up all your possessions.”
Not that this is easy. After all, it implies the same as the first. Yet the way it is put in the latter does not right away leads us astray. Which I suppose is beneficial.
“Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple.”
I have been reflecting a little upon this for the past week. Not because of anything that has happened recently. What I am about to say does not relate to any of my coming Services.
What I have been reflecting upon though is how I for the past nine years where I have been working as a pastor have witnessed how relationships often are not as great as we would love if they were.
I do not really have statistics on it. But believe when I say that many of you – I was at least – might be quite surprised if you knew just how many of the families I face in my work tells me of family issues.
Mothers hating fathers, parents hating children, children hating parents, siblings not getting along…
It almost seems to me that it is more common for families to be somehow torn, than it is having families living in seemingly harmony.
And because of that – that is what I have been reflecting upon – are we really estranged from what is stated in the Biblical Reading today, or do we just have a hard time acknowledging the hatred that somehow seems to thrive among close relations?
Are we living in denial?
One of the first things many with a fair knowledge of scripture might wonder is how this relates to the fifth (or fourth depending on how one counts) of the Ten Commandments. A commandment that orders one to ‘Honour one’s father and mother.’
Is this not contradictive? How can one honour and hate at the same time?
As I reflected upon this it hit me that the opposite of hate is not honour. The opposite of hate is love. So maybe it is not contradictive. Maybe we might just have to reflect upon what honouring means.
This I did, and I realized how it truly is not contradictive at all. It even somehow makes perfect sense, because somehow honour and hate can be a part of the same thing. This is how:
An aspect of honouring to me is being true. Both towards oneself but also towards your closets – friends and family. If you are not true towards your closest and instead hide the truth then you do not really do them justice. You do not truly honour them.
Are we living in denial? That was a question I asked earlier. And I asked just that question to make us realize whether we were not true – being honest – in our relationship with others.
Hence somehow, honouring and hating is not estranged from one another – they are not opposites – they might even go hand in hand when we reflect a little upon it just as I did.
Because if we are honouring we are being true, and if we are true, we might have to accept the fact that hatred is a sin we carry in most of our human relationships.
The hatred might be insignificant. Like if one only hates a loved one for that person’s noise chewing. But it might also be of significance.
Either way: What is of importance – that is what my reflection has led me to conclude – is not whether our love or hatred is big or small. What is of importance is whether we live in denial or not. If we dare tell the truth, or if we do not honour our relationships.
I said that one would be surprised if one knew just how many Services I conduct where I in talking with the people involved learn of hatred among close relations.
To that I would like to say two things:
First, the other side of the medal is of course that there still are a lot of families who live without more or less bad relationships.
Second, maybe it is not all so bad that all these people are honest with me sharing their internal conflicts. Maybe it is a sign of honouring. Maybe it is a sign of doing just what today’s Biblical Reading would like of us:
To let go – let go of what is binding us to earth – making us ready to follow Christ.
Denial. With my sermon today and my reflection, maybe that then truly is the theme of today’s Biblical Reading. A Biblical Reading that does not really begin by giving us thoughts of that on mind. Rather, it captures us in denial, a denial of how hard it is to live together with other people.
But maybe that is also then the beauty of the Biblical Reading. It captures us in a thought that might be a denial, all to tell us how denials are not good for us.
Do I hate my parents?
No, I love them. But I won’t deny that there are certain things that I am not that fond of.
Still, hatred is too strong of a word for me to really use – maybe to ever use.
Do I honour my parents?
If honouring is being true with them – if honouring is not living in denial – I hope I am.
Any way, I am not really trying to be a judge. Not before you, nor before me. We only have one judge and he is sitting in heaven next to his father.
Our job – my job – is to promote the love shown to us by that judge. A love that is best realized if and when we are as true as can be. Because only then is the depth of the love shown to us truly understood and valued.
Be true. If hatred – or just a step away from love – exist. Then do not deny it. But appreciate the love of Jesus just that more.
Sin courageously. Luther said that. I love that quote. Because it is not easy to do. It is hard being honest. It is hard to love. It is not always easy to follow Christ.
Amen.